I’ve told friends I plan to blog about our short-term move to Costa Rica – our rationale for the trip, our expectations, our experiences, etc. However, for my first blog post ever (on Father’s Day) I would like to share a few thoughts about fatherhood and my Dad.
As I sit to write this, I am less than two months shy of my 45th birthday. I am a husband and a father and have lived outside of my parent’s roof for 23 years. Even so, I am acutely aware of how much I still need and want a relationship with my parents. In honor of Father’s Day, I’d like to share a few thoughts on how I’d like to imitate and duplicate what I’ve seen in my Dad.
How I treat my wife. As long as I’ve known my Dad, I’ve never heard him swear at my mom or call my mom a name. Ever. I’ve tried to adopt this and in my 14th year of marriage, so far so good. I hope this one simple thing becomes a standard my four daughters expect in the way their future husbands treat them.
How I help my kids set high expectations. Growing up, college was always treated as a given. I distinctly remember my father discussing graduate school often when I was growing up. Never in a harsh, “you better do this” kind of way – always woven into the conversation in a non-threatening, “this is just the next step after college” kind of way. I do this often with my girls today. I hope they dream big and aspire to reach their God-given potential.
Living the lesson. Honesty and hard work were huge values of my Dad. In parenting there is the expression “more is caught than taught” and I believe this is largely how I learned these two values – by watching my Dad every day and in all situations. In fact, I still see these values at work today in everything he does. With my daughters, I am constantly evaluating what they see me do, what I say, the expressions I make, the intonation in my voice, etc. I know they are watching, listening and absorbing and it will influence how they live.
Andy Stanley (www.yourmove.is), one of my favorite authors and speakers, talks about how as our kids grow older we lose the position of power we had over them. When kids are young, we have a physical advantage and as they grow up through high school and college we hold positional power as we control the resources. However, physical and position power eventually fade away and if we haven’t led our kids through example and via influence, we will never have the kind of relationship with them that each of us wants in our heart and soul.
While I know I could never do Andy Stanley justice with a paraphrase, his message has stuck with me over the years as I find myself consistently wanting to spend time with my Dad for no other reason than I love him, I enjoy being with him and I want to continue learning from him. I no longer need his day-to-day approval or money, but I still desperately want to make him proud and gain his respect. Our respective geographies are currently preventing a live Father’s Day celebration this year. But I am with him in spirit. I love you Dad. Happy Father’s Day!
David McNeill 